Dear Teacher,
This letter is written with respect and with care.
I know teaching is hard. I know the days are long, the demands are many, and by the afternoon, everyone is tired. I know that behaviour systems are often put in place with good intentions, simply to help classrooms function.
But I need to ask something important.
Can we please stop using ladders, robots, trees, traffic lights, clips, and reward charts that publicly move children up and down based on behaviour, marks, or work?
Not because teachers don’t care.
Not because children shouldn’t have boundaries.
But because the impact on children is far greater than we often realise.
Not because children shouldn’t have boundaries.
But because the impact on children is far greater than we often realise.
If This Were Done to Adults
There isn’t a large sign at the front of the school showing:
- Which teacher lost their patience today
- Which teacher had a meltdown because things didn’t go as planned
- Which teacher struggled with behaviour
- Which teacher had the perfect lesson and deserves public praise
Because that would feel humiliating.
And unfair.
And deeply anxiety-provoking.
And unfair.
And deeply anxiety-provoking.
Yet this is what many children experience every single day.
Their mistakes are public.
Their hardest moments are visible.
Their worth can start to feel conditional.
Their hardest moments are visible.
Their worth can start to feel conditional.
Behaviour Is Communication
When a child is repeatedly “misbehaving,” the most important question isn’t “What consequence comes next?”
It’s why.
- Is something going on at home?
- Are they exhausted, hungry, or unwell?
- Are they overwhelmed or overstimulated?
- Are they neurodivergent and spending the entire day holding it together until they simply can’t anymore?
- Are they struggling with barriers to learning and acting out to avoid embarrassment?
A public behaviour chart doesn’t answer these questions.
It often prevents us from asking them at all.
It often prevents us from asking them at all.
The Children We Don’t Always See
There’s the child who is trying so hard, but learning doesn’t come easily.
They watch others climb the ladder while they remain stuck, despite their effort.
They watch others climb the ladder while they remain stuck, despite their effort.
There’s the child whose anxiety is so intense that they make themselves sick trying to stay at the top, terrified of making one mistake.
There’s the child who already believes they are “the bad one”, and the chart quietly reinforces it, day after day.
These children aren’t motivated.
They’re anxious.
Ashamed.
Constantly monitoring themselves instead of learning.
They’re anxious.
Ashamed.
Constantly monitoring themselves instead of learning.
This Isn’t Just My Opinion
I’m writing this as a teacher.
As a mom.
And as someone who sees the effects of these systems on my own children and their peers.
As a mom.
And as someone who sees the effects of these systems on my own children and their peers.
I hear how children talk about these charts after school. I see the anxiety they carry. I see the pressure to be perfect and the heartbreak when they’re not. I see children trying their absolute best and still feeling like they’re failing.
Child development research supports what many parents and teachers are noticing.
We know that shame increases stress and reduces a child’s ability to think, regulate, and learn. We know anxiety and learning are closely linked. We know behaviour is often about nervous system regulation, not defiance or a lack of effort.
A dysregulated child doesn’t need to be displayed.
They need support.
They need support.
Behaviour Is Not a Moral Failing
Many challenging behaviours are stress responses.
Especially for children who are anxious, dealing with trauma, neurodivergent, or carrying emotional weight, the school day is long and demanding. By the afternoon, their capacity is gone, and that’s when things fall apart.
A public chart doesn’t teach regulation.
It punishes dysregulation.
It punishes dysregulation.
And over time, children internalise the messages they see again and again:
- “I’m naughty.”
- “I can’t get it right.”
- “I’m always the one at the bottom.”
Once this identity forms, no behaviour system will undo it.
So What Can We Do Instead?
Moving away from public behaviour charts doesn’t mean lowering expectations or losing structure. It means shifting from public comparison to private support.
We can:
- Give behaviour feedback quietly, not publicly.
- Set individual goals instead of comparing children to one another.
- Focus on teaching missing skills rather than punishing mistakes.
- Built-in regulation supports like movement breaks and calm spaces.
- Ask “What’s going on?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?”
Connection comes before correction.
Children do better when they feel safe, seen, and supported, not when they feel watched and judged.
A Gentle Call to Action
If you’re using a public behaviour chart, ladder, or reward system, I’m not asking you to feel criticised.
I’m asking you to pause.
To look at the children who are always at the bottom.
To notice the ones desperately trying to stay at the top.
To ask whether this system is helping every child, or only the easiest ones.
To notice the ones desperately trying to stay at the top.
To ask whether this system is helping every child, or only the easiest ones.
If a system creates anxiety, shame, or fear for even a few children, it’s worth reconsidering.
Children don’t need to climb ladders to prove their worth.
They need dignity.
They need understanding.
They need adults who see the child behind the behaviour.
They need dignity.
They need understanding.
They need adults who see the child behind the behaviour.
Surely, we can do better.
With respect,
A teacher.
A mom.
And someone who is listening.
A teacher.
A mom.
And someone who is listening.
One Response
So true , beautifully written ❤️❤️❤️❤️